I Will Always Remember

Feb 19, 2014 | Heavy on the Heart

It’s been a while since I’ve been here and, to be honest, I’m not even really sure how to start this post.  I guess I’ll start with by saying that I lost my grandfather, my pop, last Sunday.
After his funeral, on the two hour drive back home that night, I instantly tried to think of every possible memory I had of my pop. I had this rush of urgency sweep over me, and I knew it was because I was desperately trying to remember every single thing that I could remember about him.  His voice, his laugh, the things he did, the things he said. I wanted to remember it all.
I knew that I wanted, scratch that, I knew that I needed to put those memories in a concrete place. So I came here that night. And I started typing. Really fast. I didn’t care about my spelling mistakes, or how the sentences were formed, or even if they made any sense at all for that matter.  I was afraid that if my fingers didn’t get those memories added quickly, they would be gone. Just like him.
But over the last few days that feeling of urgency hasn’t been there anymore, and I think it’s because that I’m now realizing that when you lose someone that you love so much, your memories of them don’t just vanish into thin air or disappear in the blink of an eye. They stay with you because they were such a huge and important part of your life. You strongly hold onto, not only the big moments, but the small, sudden little reminders of them. Even if you realize it or not.
Well, it’s been over a week now and I’m hitting the publish button on that post I wrote the night of his funeral. A week ago these were things that I had written because I was so afraid that I would forget them, but now I’m sharing them because I know these are things that I will always remember.

I will always remember….playing outside with my cousins in his strawberry gardens and him only yelling at the boys for squishing all of his strawberries.

I will always remember….playing beauty parlor with my nan but my pop would be the one who would end up with the curlers in his hair.

I will always remember….my pop asking every time he saw me if I’ve ate my broccoli because he knew how much I hated those little green vegetables.

I will always remember….how handsome he looked when he was all dressed up for church.

I will always remember….seeing him cry after losing my nan when I was seven years old and then again when he lost his other wife when I was eighteen years old.

I will always remember….relying on him when I needed a ride; whether it was picking me up from volleyball practice or when I was sick and needed to leave school early.

I will always remember….him joking with me when he would drive on the road to my house, wondering why I hadn’t filled in all of the pot holes yet.


I will always remember…how much my pop loved to eat, but yet he was the healthiest eater I had ever known.

I will always remember….that even to this day, red grapefruit reminds me of him.

I will always remember…. when I was younger, staying at his house whenever my parents were out of town and how big of a social life he had at that time. Luckily this meant being able to stay up late watching TV and eating chips until I would hear the doorknob turn, and then have to pretend that I was asleep.

I will always remember….the love he had for animals, especially mine and my moms cats, and how

every single time I would have to go back home, it would break my heart to take my cat back with me.

I will always remember….the way he would say “How’s ya Todd?” whenever Todd walked into the room.

I will always remember….him watching Family Feud or The News on the highest possible volume.

I will always remember….how inseparable him and my mom were the last few years of his life.

Pop,
I will always remember…. you.
I will always love you.

And I most certainly will always miss you.


Quote:
It’s so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

19 Comments

  1. Heather @ The Maritime Reader
    Heather @ The Maritime Readeron February 19, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    So sorry for your loss, Renee! I hope that you are always able to find comfort in your happy memories, and I think it's great that you wrote them down to look back on someday.

    Reply
  2. Kathy@MoreCoffeeLessTalky
    Kathy@MoreCoffeeLessTalkyon February 19, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    i am so sorry for your loss, renee. losing someone you love so dearly is devastating. find solace in all the wonderful memories of him!

    xoxoxox

    kathy

    Reply
  3. Anonymous
    Anonymouson February 19, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    Renee,

    I am SO sorry to hear this. I know from this and previous posts how loved he is. What a lucky man to have all of you in his life.

    I loved reading these memories, and I'm so glad you were able to share them with us. Some of them remind me of my Grandma and I.

    Praying for peace for you and your family. Thanks so much for letting us get to know a little more about your Pop.

    -Em

    Reply
  4. Anonymous
    Anonymouson February 19, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful post. You have so many memories to cherish and keep in heart forever.

    Reply
  6. bashashhazbaz
    bashashhazbazon February 19, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    i am truly sorry for your loss! but a very beautiful post, regardless!

    Reply
  7. keltie@f*ck yeah, france!
    keltie@f*ck yeah, france!on February 19, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    what a lovely tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss, you were both lucky to have each other.

    Reply
  8. Pleas(e) and Carrots
    Pleas(e) and Carrotson February 19, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    I am so sorry for your lost. What a beautiful post. My Grandfather loved grapefruit too!

    Reply
  9. Unknown
    Unknownon February 19, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Being with Tony and the Bursey family for 23 years now has left me with some pretty nice memories of Mr. Les too…. When Zach had his assignent last year and was to chose an eldery person to "interview" he instantly said Mr. Les (rather than his great grandmother who he loves) I dont think he knew what an impact he made on my young son…..I will always remember how he loved my children even though he was "related" to them, they loved him and he loved them 🙂 I will always remember how he said to me two Christmas' ago, "Tony is all smiles with all them kids …he did good for himself with you" that meant a lot to me for him to recognize that…… such happy memories 🙂 WE will never forget you Mr. Les xoxo

    Reply
  10. Erica Jacquline
    Erica Jacqulineon February 20, 2014 at 2:00 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds like an amazing grandpa.

    Reply
  11. Kym @ Travel Babbles
    Kym @ Travel Babbleson February 20, 2014 at 3:44 am

    I am so sorry for your loss my sweet friend. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers tonight. I lost my great-nana the day after Thanksgiving … I'm always an e-mail away. Miss you. xoxo

    Reply
  12. Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee
    Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMeeon February 20, 2014 at 5:05 am

    I'm so sorry, love. 🙁 I wish there was something I could do to help. Take comfort in all of those things you will always remember. He left behind many things to make you smile when you're feeling sad. 🙂

    Reply
  13. The Modern Tulip
    The Modern Tulipon February 20, 2014 at 11:50 am

    Bless your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss. I love that you wrote this post out when the wounds were fresh. It's real and authentic. I love that your pop used to end up with the curlers in his hair! Just from this post I get a taste of a loving and precious grandfather! You are in my prayers, dear!

    Reply
  14. Alex[andra]
    Alex[andra]on February 20, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    My condolences to you and your family! It's wonderful that you were able to write your memories down. Thank you for sharing them all with us. 🙂

    Reply
  15. The Lady Okie
    The Lady Okieon February 22, 2014 at 1:43 am

    My grandpa always looks so nice dressed up for church too 🙂 I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm so glad you have all these wonderful memories.

    Reply
  16. Sarah Grace
    Sarah Graceon February 23, 2014 at 2:25 am

    I am sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that you are able to find some comfort in the wonderful memories that you shared with your grandfather.

    Reply
  17. Emilie
    Emilieon February 24, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Renee. I'm glad you are still able to find the good memories among all the sadness.

    Reply
  18. Carly
    Carlyon February 25, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    I know I'm a bit late posting on this– I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. This is such a beautiful post and something you'll always have to look back on <3

    Reply
  19. Jessica
    Jessicaon March 10, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    I am just catching up on reading blog posts from the past two weeks or so and I am so sorry to hear you lost your grandpa. I know how special of a place he held in your heart.

    Reply

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